Designer: NAT
Coding: Manikka
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Thought tat me previous post wud be my last post for 2005..but den..decided to update abt wad happen for the last 2nd and 3rd day of 2005...

Today spent abt 6hrs to complete reading a book..tuesdays with Morrie..i noe..im abit slow..i bought it like quite some time back..i read 5 ppl u meet heaven and halfway through tuesdays with Morrie...and i stop there due to exam and other things...so today..i took the book out again..to read from the very first page..coz i cant remember where i stop...and ya..i took abt 6hrs to finish it...think is first time i finish readin a book on a day itself....think is really a gd book..compare with 5 ppl u meet in heaven, think tuesdays with Morrie is really better...more learning value in it..i think is really very true..very helpful..it can enhance ur maturity level...i wud strongly recommend to all souls out there to read..especially you..all the lessons learnt..is really applicable..."once u learn how to die, u learn how to live" i believe if u treat everyday is the last day in ur life..i guess u wil really spend it differently..not pessimistic point of thinkin..but juz treat each day as ur last day and do all things with no regret....

On 29th dec, thurs...Went to kbox with ying sheng & daniel...den met angeline mizael and joan for dinner at bugis billy bomber..after dinner, went to a bar or shud i say pub (call harry's if i remember correctly) at esplanade..sat there and chit chat til abt 3am...Pictures paint a thousand words...so here it goes...

When i closed my eyes..lying on my bed..my brain is full of thoughts....i cant slp..my brain did not rested well...i was juz thinkin throughout the whole nite....im vex...im not feelin well at all...i do not know how to describe such feelin..is juz not gd at all..ask me y?i oso dunno how to say..is all factors tat lead up to it..inter related and ya...i've reach optimum saturation point..max amount of solute dissolve in a max amt of solvent at a particular temp...

Emptiness is wad im feelin...alot of things to be done...but i hav no idea wad exactly the things are...ns is 8 days away...implyin 8 days to no freedom..i cant used to do alot of things tat i used to do..I can oni look forward to weekends for the next 2 yrs...i wanted to do alot of things be4 i go in..but i dunno wad they are..juz too much to list and think abt...

I hav been doin all the correct things..all the things a GOOD boy will do...i have been thinkin wad a young adult will think..thinkin and behavin not like a teenager of 14 or 15 yrs old...being so sensible for wad? who will care abt it? coz a teenager at tat age shud not be behavin tat way...shud be behavin like a teenager..play like mad...and do all the wild things in life tat when they grow up, they will not do...i have not do those things be4..perhaps when u r young..u did something stupid becoz of willfulness at a teenager age and when u think back when u r old..u will laugh..but i guess i hav nth of such...i will juz recall all the gd stuffs i been doin...i think i hav enuff...i wanan let go...i wanan do all sort of things i did not do...i dun want to be a GOOD boy anymore...no more..is enuff..i wanna do alot of things...wanna change my outfit...i wanna dye my hair..i wanna do all those stupid things for once...i wana play like mad..i will learn racin when im regain back my freedom..get into some club n race..race for money...yes..money..not for leisure...drive as fast as 180 and doin sharp cornering...tats cool isnt it...playin the hotest R&B or even Techno...drivin a cabriolet down the road...cool yea? so at least next time when i grow old..i will think back of myself n said ya..i once was tat wild be4 too...and oni til den..i wil behav wad im or wad i have been behavin all this while.....

Believe in fairness in this world? i dunno..look around u...there are so many unfortunate ppl around..havin all the various illness..but y they are the ones goin through all tat?fair?i dunno...

I believe im rather fortunate..yea..i have a gd brain..functionin well....and it leads me to where am i now...even im slackin and cant be bothered...think im fortunate enuff...whereas some frens..they juz ended up somewhere...but they too hav their own life now...is not juz givin me a wonderful and brillant brain..and oso a fit body..allows me to do all sports game with no "kick"...took a short time to pick up basketball...and i took a short time to play pool and billard...

wad else.?

and a fulfillin family i hav..with my mum and dad doting on me..will giv me wad she can and wad i want...and i oso met alot of ppl in my life..though is juz a short 18 yrs..but i meet wonderful ppl..and oso the lousy ppl too..but of coz the wonderful will outweighs the lousy ones..hav several best frens...really best..yup..ppl oso like hangin out with me...i wont feel lonely yea...but of coz..sometimes all of them are oso busy..and it happens on me too..where ever i go..i will be overwhelmed with frens..though im a introvert..but i still make frens..and is rather easy..perhaps i dun have the " go away and dun mess with me" look..and hence ppl approach me..i love my family and frens..they love me too....though my family is short of 1 person...the one..yea...it has been absent since a long long time...i guess tats consider fair..? i am given so many wonderful things...this is one of the things tat i m not given...perhaps met by chance....but the story did not begin..instead...it begin with some1 else..and i read the story...haaaa....i hav used to it..and i think it will juz be me..tat i can oni read ppl's story..and no story of my own shall be written..i have accept my fate..haa....yea...

yes...i still cant get my license be4 i turn 19...or i shud say i cant get my license when im 18...sad rite..i cant drive now.this thought has always been with me...juz tat i tried to put it aside...is not i cant drive..i can...but im not allowed..coz i dun have the piece of stupid bluish purple card...wad so great abt tat car? somebody else might possess the card..but i tell u..they cant even drive..and they are drivin on the road...

for the whole yr of 2005...i believe i have nth much to comment already...nth really make me feel special or satisfied..or is not in my mind rite at this moment..this yr is juz an ordinary yr to me..with nothing special happened...perhaps there is one..it is the time i spent with a fren..a special some1...on a special day...other den tat..i guess is really nth much..is all sch, lessons..den redcross...see?tats wad i mean nth to really think back and laugh..no teenage memory?haa..i dunno....i think i dun not hav a childhood memory either....haaaa..

I wished all frens and ppl who noe me a gd 2006 ahead...and may all of them be showered with happiness..most importantly..a pink health...

No one falls in love by choice, it's by CHANCE. No one stays in love by chance, it's by WORK. No one falls out of love by chance, it's by CHOICE. Is by chance...to stay..is by work...to leave..is a matter of choice...how true isnt it?i believe it is...wad abt YOU?

God gave us two ears to hear, two eyes to see and two hands to hold. But why did God give us only one heart? Because he wants us to find the other one.
u may or may not find it...

A test i did in this website....for ppl who have nth better to do..like me..sitting there n wait for enlistment to come..u can take a try...it is rather true in my case..
Here's the webby : http://web.tickle.com/color/?test=colorogt

Black
Your color is black. The color of night. Serene and mysterious, black conjures up images of elegant evening gowns, dashing tuxedos, and gleaming limousines. Traditionally a symbol of success, black also represents power and an uncompromising demand for perfection. Not surprisingly, you tend to set challenging goals for yourself and do whatever it takes to achieve them — your strength of character is second to none. This unfaltering determination, along with your natural elegance, impresses people. But keep in mind that your personality might be intimidating to some. Try to temper your demanding side with a little softness — trust us, it won't kill you. Overall, though, black is the color of professionalism and achievement, which means it's clearly the color for you.

Black is me.......

The dream tat i had this mornin is completely shattered into space when i woke up..is not juz tat it is a dream, tats y when back to reality it is shattered...but it is shattered in a way tat it will nvr gna be fulfilled and accomplished...hmm....is very sad in a way...but again...who noes it is definitely sad..?coz im oso in ns..maybe is something gd...but i oni noe tat i wud definitely feel dishearten..i cant do anything..other den tat...i can oni say.......Ur name will be imprinted in the most vital organ of mine.........
let nature take itz own course...

I have decided..i had enuff...no more...my 4th..and it wil be my last...wont be bothered again..My decision will be carry on stoppin myself..it is the oni one..yes..it is....guess im can oni be someone with hell lots of frens....haa..gd yea...frens r very impt in life..i think i cannot survive without my frens...

Air Supply, All Out Of Love

To my surprise...this yr christmas eve is not lonely at all...firstly was becoz im with jf sir evonne stella at bugis tcc at abt 8 plus....chit chatted for 2 hrs...and i noe..im sorry...i was rather engrossed in smsing...Seoondly..hmm....i noe it in my heart...

I have not experience this for a very long time..tat i tot i can really overcome it with the help of time and the bad experience...even i feel it is coming..i can stop it from affecting me...but den..this time...i juz cant stop it...but is not gna be a easy decision to make....shud i go with wad i always dream and wanted..or shud i carry on stoppin myself...Is nvr gna be easy...it wudnt be * if it is easy...

A memorable nite i have spent with u...though is rather short..but i guess sincerity counts yea..makin urself available juz to meet me for a show tat is lame..haha...Really Thankful tat u make this nite possible...

Today is Christmas Eve..tonight gna be a lonely nite alone...frens all workin..best fren overseas...hmm...no1 to date...so boring..even if to date..oso no idea where to go..town wud be hell lot of ppl..juz dun like crowd nowadays...somewhere cooling and peaceful with nice scenery ahead...spending the day with some1 special is ideal...though is not very likely..

Now at Joan's place..finish mahjong..won $10..?haha..tonight gna play n drink til mad..think will spend the rest of the day slpin...since no date and activity..there goes my 2005 Christmas eve....hope my dream can be fulfilled by 2005 new yr eve....really hope....

Today was super tire when my alarm went off..i wasnt feeling very well..muz be the dinner i had last nite..the oyster..had a stomach upset in the mornin..and make me late for the footdrill session..took 168 and alighted at tampines to hail for a cab..it takes me 10 bucks to reach campsite..coz of some traffic jams here n there...and i smsed jf sir..he said he oso might be late so he change to cab..in the end..he reached there earlier den me...have a great FD session with them..their drills are not bad afterall...so rather easy to drill them..we ordered canadian pizza for lunch as the weather is bad and it did not permit us to go out for lunch...haha..den during the waiting time, we have 2mins speech..talking abt themselves and some other crap..this batch is oso quite scandalous..haha..think there are 3 or izit 4 couples??hahaha..

Though today spent my whole day at campsite and again is given to Red Cross is quite enjoyable n worthwhile..i hope tat is oso wad the trainees will find it..

I need rest and slp at home..i miss exam period whereby everyday oso slack at home..watch tv..if not slp..haha..i need time rest alone and really alone...

Wonder if my intuition is accurate this time round..is tat kind of sense again....but...shall juz play safe...

today's outing to Sentosa with the ULP cadets is really great...! Though there are like 13 cadets and 11 trainers? haha..but is fun la...there are 5 members from my grp out of 9..so is quite alright...went to siloso beach..den we play volleyball & monkey..haha..now my hand is feelin painful..den went bball court to play bball...think daniel's grp cadet who is a girl, played quite well..haha..really enjoyed myself..seok hui & irene made something for celina & I..rather meaningful..i will keep it n treasure it...hope they really learn things from both of us..they are afterall very gd cadets..haha..and thanks yolane for the ice lemon tea..haha..really enjoyed myself today..and got myself really tanned..and tml needa do FD with VIP 0506..haha.think i gna be lionel liao..opps..haha..but i noe lionel wil noe tat im jokin oni..hahaha..

AFter tat.went maxwell for dinner and den walked to the merlion area...sat there and chit chat..quite fun...den fri goin joan's place..to have fun & drink..haha...

THink i have not much time left for such chilling session liao..bookin out on sat evenin..and bookin in on sun evenin...and 5 days of hell...den the cycle repeats...

VIP 0506 has come to an end...fast...it implies tat there are 2 batches of junior..cant imagine it...i think im more of like a mentor den a pwo..all of them look happy and delighted when the camp is over.hopefully most of them can join us asap though i may not be present..due to ns..but i believe it wud be a gd experience to be able to work with all of them...

Tml goin sentosa..outin with ulp dec 2005 batch platoon B..haha..and i have to write something for my grp..coz they complained that other grp mentors wrote a card to their cadets..whereas i did not..haha...and they are jealous..haha...so no choice lo..have to do it...

The thought tat i do not have my class3 is depressing..guess i can oni get it when i turn 19..i cant drive now...i cant....and i dunno y i failed the tp...is juz the taxi..sigh.........

And now i guess i have no more activities...other then to wait for the days to come..the day i will be botak..the day i will get tekan..the day tat i dislike....

ULP had ended yesterday..is really fast...all the contact sessions and camp are over...had fun with my grp..they did well..nth much to say oso..but most of my grp members are joinin VIP next yr.hopefully they really can come next yr...

After the camp..some of us went for dinner at bedok mac..fun.haha..we read the cheers ambrose compiled...den they say the window cheer..haha..so funny..all sort of things can throw out of the window..haha..VIP is coming in 2 days time..

So wad circuit is flawless and perfect? is still a fail..im juz so unlucky..to met into tat taxi at tat timing at tat junction...wad can i say other den sway..? be4 i left the center...i was so happy..coz circuit is perfect...tot this time gna get my license..who noes...?! I m so disappointed and felt so innocent..but wad to do?i cant turn back the clock..but i juz cant get over it...i dun deserve it man..i put in extra effort to be more cautious and be more safety conscious...wad i get is demerit points..wad speed too slow, insufficient acceleration etc..my instructor said i drove quite fast..so test i try to slow down abit..im drivin like 50KM/h in neighbourhood with sch and buses around...tat considered slow?!some more i got penalised twice for slow...fast they think we too reckless.slow oso cannot..wad to do? and is 50 slow for a neighbourhood with sch ard?im juz trying to show tat it is a sch.so students are in the vincinity..thus driving slower n carefully...think my godbro & dad is rite...tester see im oni 18 and is my first attempt..so juz wana let me take another time...those fault are not really major fault.other than the taxi one! nth to say..other den disappointed.............

Summary: Yesterday left my house at noon..went to pizza hut for lunch with my jc classmates..den i went to meet my ulp cadets for their meetin..after tat went to meet yvonne maam they all for dinner den went chinablack...Reach home 3am..and today has to wake at 6 am.coz having driving lesson at 7am in the circuit..

Lunch was cheap for dining at pizza hut..there is this student rate..$2 off when presenting student pass for set lunch..

ULP cadets..no doubt they are close to one another...they have alot of fun..but i feel tat when come to work, they did not put in enough effort..told them..they juz look guilty..but dunno if they really get in & change...

Dinner was fish & co..initially wanted to have NYDC...but den needa wait half an hr..and i think the staff juz dunno how to make full use of resources..they can arrange the seating plan such tat 7 ppl can sit..nth to say..

We walked to far east..on the way there..bought mac donald milkshake..only until yesterday, den i noe mac sellin milkshake..but is at that particular branch only...

China black was fantastic..haha..dance like mad..drink like crazy...think first time i consumed so much of alcohol..tot i wud juz get drunk..but i didnt..so next time i noe how much i can go.haha..anyway..is fun...but i wont go often.once in awhile is ok..coz im some1 who dun really like to club..but once in a while go wild n crazy is fine.haha...

Today's circuit is oso normal lo..juz like normal time...juz tat the sky is darker at the start..haha..coz my circuit starts 7am...! haha...and i have to wake at 6.so tire..but as u drive..u automatic will awake one..dunno y..is juz automatic..automatic to be alert...

Today is my last training with the unit..though is not the whole unit..is oni with the sec2s..think they are happy to see me leaving..coz when i said it is my last training..they look so happy and laugh..haha..i juz hope this batch wont cause any prob..mdm tan speaks to me...she really very on..glad tat she is taking over the unit..she has plans...and she said she wud want to meet up with VIs..she needs us to help her in some way...which i think she is very gd..coz she is willing to allow us to contribute and she is definitely gna take our feedback into consideration..hope the unit really can carry on to a greater heights..

Tml is my driving test! license....im coming to get u tml..!

Reading this non-fiction book..is abt chemistry.."stories of the invisible" a guided tour of molecule...and in one of the chapter..there is this question.."what is life?"Haldane ans is :
"Life is a pattern of chemical processes. This pattern has special properties. It begets a similar pattern, as a flame does,but it regulates itself as a flame does not. . . So when we have said that life is a pattern of chemical processes, we have said something true and important . . . But to suppose that one can describe life fully on these lines is to attempt to reduce it to mechanism, which I believe to be impossible."

Interesting yea?

Philip Ball relate atom as letter and word as molecule...whereby atoms form molecule juz like letters form word..hope i can finish this book be4 i go for camps..coz it is due on the 13th of dec..the day i break my camp..i think i to return it be4 i go for camp..if not on the 13th when i brk camp, i have no time to return...

2 more days to Drivin test...

Yesterday was start of VIP and 3rd session of ULP...VIP was rather alright..in terms of their bearing..is not as bad compare to the previous batch.. we everytime compare this batch with the previous batch..and said this is better..i hope the previous batch do not get offended..juz take it as a casual comment ppl..the trainees are as usual..still have the kind of cadet mentality..is part of my task to help them to change..from their look, none of them has any attitude problem..My ULP chairperson quit course...so weird of him...he told the grp members tat he will do all the work..and yet..he choose to quit..dunno if it is my fault who appoint him as chairperson tat causes him to feel stressful and request to quit..but so far..my grp is quite bonded..they can talk n joke together almost all the time, even in discussion...so i have to tell them to be serious durin discussion..joke at the rite time etc..but so far..im quite satisfied with them.the poor day i/c.from my grp..alot of negative feedback from instructors..as his mentor..is my duty to help him..from wad i see..he is not very bad..juz tat he do things tat he is not require to do..and did not do things he is required to do..tat is y he get into so much problem..but i will guide him along..especially durin camp..

After the contact session..went to bedok there to eat..after tat headed home..daniel ying sheng joan and i played mahjong..start at abt 11 plus..played til 4..won 10 bucks..haha..

Today woke up at 2..go for driving lesson at 330 til 430..instructor said today's performance is gd..thurs mornin 7am goin for circuit..den friday will be my test liao...

today oni went for half day of the trainin..left home durin lunch time...rested for awhile and get prepare for my prom..haha..trainin.nth much..still the same..

Here goes the highlight of today's post..haha..my Prom night...haha..Hmm..is my first prom nite tat i attended..coz secondary sch no prom nite..i think if is secondary sch, wud be more fun..coz the ppl i noe is so much more.i dun think it juz applies to me..it shud apply to all..coz is 4 yrs in secondary sch.definitely noe more ppl..i can imagine if there is a prom during my sec4 graduation..back to today's prom..wad to say..reach grand hyatt at abt 630..saw YJCIANs..and of coz my classmates.took afew shots at the lobby..den got chase by the bellboy to the ballroom as our dinner is in the ballroom..and we shall not obstruct the lobby...so...i dunno..juz think is not right..haha..have a cocktail session be4 the ballroom opened at 730..Saw Mr Chua (HOD of Sci), he so poor thing..so lonely..den sit beside us..read chi xiao shuo..i was like, sure anot..come on man..come for dinner, bring chi xiao shuo? and some more the word is in traditional character one..took a photo with him too..At 1930, we enter the ballroom..we found a table and we guys sat down..the girls were at another table..abt 5 tables away from us..no choice..cant have 2 side by side..i cant imagine, there is no seating plan at all..is first come first serve basis..wad amaze me was tat ppl have no seat..as in it is either isolated seat, or 2 or 3 vacant seats in a table..i mean, if they come in grp, how to expect them to separate n seat with someone who they dunno n have the dinner together? i dun think it will be enjoyable...so poor thing..the food is juz normal..compare to merchant court buffet...i shall not comment..dunno if i will get sue..hahaha..talk abt the ambience...my gosh..the life band play those super noisy rock music..how to enjoy our dinner? super out of place....some easy listenin or jazz music i think wud be better man..so much more better..Ppl appear in all sort of dressing..tot i wud be overdress..but im not..quite alright...we sabo one of our classmate to be prom queen..haha..but she didnt got it..too bad..

There are sponsors for our prom.one is citibank education loan and another is cheeky monkey(a pub in Muhamad Sultan)..the emcee said tat we can go to cheeky monkey after 12 midnite at $10 for guys for 2 drinks and free flow for girls upon presenting our prom nite ticket..den one of my classmate ask if we wanna join him n his fren to go to clubbin at riverwalk after dinner..initially we are ok with it..coz even those 17+ not yet turn 18 oso can enter..after the dinner, he left with his fren, and told us to meet him there..den our class were like hesitating if wanna go...some of them cannot stay out late...but we ask them to go..coz is a prom..and next time hard to gather out to have fun liao..so in the end, we decide to go to the cheeky monkey at MS..the girls went in after awhile said they leaving liao..parents comin to fetch them..den left with me and the guys..haha..except bin..bin left with the girls..We danced and danced..is quite small n confine..n ppl smoke around..so is super smoky..but the dj there is not bad...den we left at abt 2....and im back here blogging straight after i bath..haha..

To sum up, is quite a happening nite...like i say..is my first n only prom..no comparison for me to make..afterall..is fun..anyway..she appears in a white dress..with blonde hair..and her hair is longer den usual...hm..think i prefer her to have it short..haha..no matter short or long.she still looks gorgeous..graduated...dun think have the chance to noe her..today is such a long post..haha..shall go slp....zzzzZZZ