Wednesday, December 28, 2005
When i closed my eyes..lying on my bed..my brain is full of thoughts....i cant slp..my brain did not rested well...i was juz thinkin throughout the whole nite....im vex...im not feelin well at all...i do not know how to describe such feelin..is juz not gd at all..ask me y?i oso dunno how to say..is all factors tat lead up to it..inter related and ya...i've reach optimum saturation point..max amount of solute dissolve in a max amt of solvent at a particular temp...Emptiness is wad im feelin...alot of things to be done...but i hav no idea wad exactly the things are...ns is 8 days away...implyin 8 days to no freedom..i cant used to do alot of things tat i used to do..I can oni look forward to weekends for the next 2 yrs...i wanted to do alot of things be4 i go in..but i dunno wad they are..juz too much to list and think abt...
I hav been doin all the correct things..all the things a GOOD boy will do...i have been thinkin wad a young adult will think..thinkin and behavin not like a teenager of 14 or 15 yrs old...being so sensible for wad? who will care abt it? coz a teenager at tat age shud not be behavin tat way...shud be behavin like a teenager..play like mad...and do all the wild things in life tat when they grow up, they will not do...i have not do those things be4..perhaps when u r young..u did something stupid becoz of willfulness at a teenager age and when u think back when u r old..u will laugh..but i guess i hav nth of such...i will juz recall all the gd stuffs i been doin...i think i hav enuff...i wanan let go...i wanan do all sort of things i did not do...i dun want to be a GOOD boy anymore...no more..is enuff..i wanna do alot of things...wanna change my outfit...i wanna dye my hair..i wanna do all those stupid things for once...i wana play like mad..i will learn racin when im regain back my freedom..get into some club n race..race for money...yes..money..not for leisure...drive as fast as 180 and doin sharp cornering...tats cool isnt it...playin the hotest R&B or even Techno...drivin a cabriolet down the road...cool yea? so at least next time when i grow old..i will think back of myself n said ya..i once was tat wild be4 too...and oni til den..i wil behav wad im or wad i have been behavin all this while.....
Believe in fairness in this world? i dunno..look around u...there are so many unfortunate ppl around..havin all the various illness..but y they are the ones goin through all tat?fair?i dunno...
I believe im rather fortunate..yea..i have a gd brain..functionin well....and it leads me to where am i now...even im slackin and cant be bothered...think im fortunate enuff...whereas some frens..they juz ended up somewhere...but they too hav their own life now...is not juz givin me a wonderful and brillant brain..and oso a fit body..allows me to do all sports game with no "kick"...took a short time to pick up basketball...and i took a short time to play pool and billard...
wad else.?
and a fulfillin family i hav..with my mum and dad doting on me..will giv me wad she can and wad i want...and i oso met alot of ppl in my life..though is juz a short 18 yrs..but i meet wonderful ppl..and oso the lousy ppl too..but of coz the wonderful will outweighs the lousy ones..hav several best frens...really best..yup..ppl oso like hangin out with me...i wont feel lonely yea...but of coz..sometimes all of them are oso busy..and it happens on me too..where ever i go..i will be overwhelmed with frens..though im a introvert..but i still make frens..and is rather easy..perhaps i dun have the " go away and dun mess with me" look..and hence ppl approach me..i love my family and frens..they love me too....though my family is short of 1 person...the one..yea...it has been absent since a long long time...i guess tats consider fair..? i am given so many wonderful things...this is one of the things tat i m not given...perhaps met by chance....but the story did not begin..instead...it begin with some1 else..and i read the story...haaaa....i hav used to it..and i think it will juz be me..tat i can oni read ppl's story..and no story of my own shall be written..i have accept my fate..haa....yea...
yes...i still cant get my license be4 i turn 19...or i shud say i cant get my license when im 18...sad rite..i cant drive now.this thought has always been with me...juz tat i tried to put it aside...is not i cant drive..i can...but im not allowed..coz i dun have the piece of stupid bluish purple card...wad so great abt tat car? somebody else might possess the card..but i tell u..they cant even drive..and they are drivin on the road...
for the whole yr of 2005...i believe i have nth much to comment already...nth really make me feel special or satisfied..or is not in my mind rite at this moment..this yr is juz an ordinary yr to me..with nothing special happened...perhaps there is one..it is the time i spent with a fren..a special some1...on a special day...other den tat..i guess is really nth much..is all sch, lessons..den redcross...see?tats wad i mean nth to really think back and laugh..no teenage memory?haa..i dunno....i think i dun not hav a childhood memory either....haaaa..
I wished all frens and ppl who noe me a gd 2006 ahead...and may all of them be showered with happiness..most importantly..a pink health...