Designer: NAT
Coding: Manikka
Images: x

photos tat i flipped thru...memories flashed in my mind....just keep appearing....appearing...appearing....it just.....
realised, tats was the period of time, when i took most number of photos in my life.....
her lovely smile...painted in my mind clearly....tats was wad i so happy to see....
her lovely appreciative words...all ringing in my ear drums...tats was wad i so delighed to hear..
her lovely spoon feeding..all picturing in my mind...tats was wad i so enjoyed tasting...
wad else? so much more....and now..was a.....fairy tale.......tat...y am i still thinkin and reminiscing?there is really no y this time.......tats was..feeling..haha......
so many lovely things in day to day life happenings tat.....link to her...y is it tat she left a great impact on me, but where am i to her now?
though is impossible...y am i still...unable to put it down......perhaps..is a great story that i cant forget...

sad rite?so sad......again....i noe....i caused this tragedy....自做自受

我不配

人生至古 谁知足
让你当了，皇上，你又怕孤独。。。。。
哈哈有趣吧。。。

i shud have know it earlier..the ending shud be like this long ago...coz i can nvr learn, nvr now how to love you better...y wud i even think abt loving u?dun even deserve anymore...is right that u left...wise choice for u...thanks for everything...

1mth......is as if...a decade have pass.......

whole day rested at home...enojoy a gd sat rest...went out dinner with parents n my little brother..he does has his adorable side...
im juz so like my mum...so soft hearted..guess is always a mistake to be so...ha..
tryin to convince her tat i go learn riding...den she will talk to my dad..aha...smart rite. and she really did..heard she talkin to my dad abt it on the bus while i sit few seats away...as usual..my dad objectively told my mum dun let me ride etc..newspaper recently more n more incident abt motorbike accidents..haha..
but....maybe..i will rebel this once and only once..haha...but..v lazy, still muz take theory....hmm....

finally understand...everything is point to me...back to me..seriously..is me...am i really too much?when ppl told me wad they saw..they were stunned as well..my reaction really were wrong?dun u think u have wrong too?tat makes me....doubted so much.yes, i am wrong most of the time too..but...haiz....wads the point now?pointless to broad over everything...tats my fate..my fault....this is the punishment for my wrongs now..i, have to accept it den...my fault..im wrong....can nvr expect..this is the ending to the story.....
so many things happen in my day to day life..it will link to......us...saw seoul garden..rmb had dinner w ur family..pass by royal buffet at tampines mall..again...had ice cream..think of..how i am stuff w bread n ice cream..haha...

hate myself..y cant i fucking stop havin those memory flashes..y cant i be stronger n heartless to juz dun think abt it...y wud i still will depressed after all these happen. fuck man....cant i fucking wake up.

shall i go for riding lesson?dad keep tellin me to work n get a car..but..how to...haiz..so sian...i oso wish..if oni i even have 10k...i gna get a EG6 already..
felt like tatoo too..haha..was thinkin at either my shoulder blade or, ankle...but..if i wear shorts..is real visible..
im addited to alcohol liao la..haha..volka peach...
hmmm...really need to do some thinkin..

on deepavali...went to kbox...jf,qiuyu,qijun,ys,qihui,daniel,stella..and..I..ahaha..
jf said nvr heard so many andy lau's songs before..alot meh..ha..opps..
nvr look down on songs..especially..my idol..ha...
a song speaks a thousand words...it express out wadever is in my mind...
and ya, jf's voice so like...zhang xing zhe...omg.ha.

once a gd son...once a brillant son..once a fillial son....once a fantastic son..wad else?haha..
once a best bf, once a champion bf, once a gold bf, once a upon a time....

从来，没想过，会无法放下。。。这一次，的确，是真的了。。。。没想过自己，这么，没用。。。连想不去想，都不可能。。。一直，在我脑海里出现。。很自然的。。。这么办。。

messages, are all i have...are all tat i see..i read...every nite...before i go to bed..the gd nite wishes...the gd nite kisses....are all tat i can read..are all tat i can....回味。。。。
回味。。。。。。。。原来。。。是很苦。。也很甜。。有些时，就是失去了，才知道，是多么，重要，多么。。。无法取代。。。。。
没有对不起你，因为，我是真的。。。看是，对不起，自己吧。。。没，珍惜。。。
im addited........

helpless hopeless lifeless

Happy birthday stella...haha.....daniel will celebrate with u! he will book out..haha...

have u ever wonder, who started of celebrate birthday?when started?who say birthday muz celebrate leh?haha..weird isnt it?so many things to celebrate..so any occasion to buy present..n who say muz buy present..
and y always say happy birthday?haha.cannot, great birthday, sad birthday...
my birthday...haha...no need celebrate..save effort save time save money...coz...happiness can nvr be bought, nvr be created...hmm..like energy...nvr created and destroyed..is transfer.ha..Full Of Nonsense...Fluorine Oxygen Nitrogen...

Realise, i seems to have short term memory...cant rmb alot of current things...cant rmb wad i said, or wad ppl told me...like,cant rmb telling qijun or agreein to him on certain things, but he said i did said. and i cant rmb him telling me stuff...

Back to a civilian for 5 days already..fast isnt it?

abt my Work?hmm
worked 3 days...tomorrow Public holiday.
learn how to do accts. not too bad. Learn something from here.

everyday, 93.3 will keep me company.. and the songs they played in the afternoon, is so nice. so my type kind of songs. ha...




the feeling can nvr be gone in my heart....perhaps..the place u r, in my heart..is really so right bottom in my heart...it seems..no way i can get u out of here....
once so close....now...everything we said are so superficial..sometimes...
i juz felt...xing suan...ha..wad's tat in english?omg?went to ns only 1yr 10mths...eng standard gettin worse..

wonder..how i leave tat place in ur heart..how i actually escape from there...how u actually remove me from ur mind...

but i understand....ur...reason for it..........

yi ding yao guo de bi wo hao... ... ...

Love the 2 videos u did..perhaps..u dun have the copy anymore...the discs are with me too...no way u able to see wad u had done....



if i were blue...would u be..there for me......
I....loveeeee u...uhoo.. yes, i do..yi zhi zai ze ni pei.....yi zhi zai ai ni.....o yeeeeaah....

misses ur smile.....

ORD lo....

and...

Happy birthday Yvonne....MA'AM..haha...noe u dun like being called a MA'AM..

guess...suppose to be happy ORD...or..everyone ORD shud be happy...back to civilian life....return to society..or, shud i say, return to society as a civilian, coz i didnt leave the society at all...

Back to civilian...freedom.....am i happy?haha..

Crossroad..im standing right at the junction now...a major one......critical one....wad decision am i gonna make?which path am i gna choose?lno..i have no option anymore..i cant choose......i have no rights to choose anymore...long time ago..i have already decided..but now...it seems..unable to fulfill...afraid A level result release next yr...afraid...university application starts....wad if...wad if...wad am i gna do?

suddenly life without problems without worries without defeat without obstacles.....one shot......all came instantaneously...ALL...

right rock bottom i am at...who knows abt this?myself!

20 yrs of living....turning 21...i am....legal adult soon.bearing all responsibilities....

juz realise...actually...how fillial i wanna be...end up..how not fillial i have been....sorry dad n mum...being the eldest....but...didnt perform as a eldest at all...brothers...sorry....the most unapproachable brother to them i am...

actually, how lovely i wanan be...end up...im not....im juz...making ppl go away..

actually, how caring a brother want to be...im not...

Suddenly realise...every role i played...i have failed...failed big time...son?eldest son?brother?bf?student?fren?

life.....precious...is sad tat we have to live this life, and is sad that we can only live once..

happy is the main reason to live isnt it?

doing so many things..suffer so much....student..u studied mug like...future.work and earn big bucks like crazy...juz for?a living...den?death.
if doing all those thing, u r still not gna happy, den?death.
end still...death...
so, y makes life so difficult. road ahead road ahead..still long...so wad?long of unhappiness..long of slogging..til death..

den?for wad?might as well...

so, wad's so scary abt, death?juz slpin..but nvr wake up.do u feel anything?nth.....slpin soundly til eternity...everybody likes to slp isnt it?to escape this hectic busy life, full of stress worries but, no happiness....

wad can make one happy?depends on each and everyone. is unique.

is juz so simple...juz like my dad....he is a real damn great dad....i juz want to be like some1 like him...but i noe...i cant.....is so not possible...things are not tat way i think...

The fool doth think he is wise, but the wise man knows himself to be a fool.

simple life and simple goals in life...i want to lead..not wanting to take any risk to be an entrepreneur, not taking any gamble to be outstanding ,famous nor popular..not hoping to be an millionaire with mansion ,big cars and servants....

wad makes me happy?is real simple...ordinary life...ordinary.....

Thats life!haha...yea?agree?u meet obstacles...u meet hurder....u unable achieve ur target goal... unable to reach wad u want.....u smell it...so near yet so far.....and make u fall big time.....ya..i noe!haha..

you are climbing the moutain....the summit is everything you wish for....you are almost there.....the last grip..you lose it.......fall right to the bottom.....you took real long to achieve and go thru everything, to almost reach there...and then....u r back to square one...

so wad i can nvr b happy anymore?but, by walking on...i noe...my love ones around me will be happy to see me still kicking alive..y not make them happy?is a cut deep inside for my parents....
to make them happy.......i noe how the feeling of losing some1 u love.....they shall not lose me..at least they will be happy.....

If only..one can have no expectations at all..den..one can be happy...but, who can have no expectation at all?who?and, happiness....is unique to each and everyone........either u r, or u r not.....

lessons in life...u have many lessons in life...i guess...my lessons all come together and i have to take all of them altogether........
failure is mother of success?true..yea..agree...
but again...ya...live for happiness..live for wad u wanna live for...if u no longer doin so?den?doin all sort of hard way to live and find the best way tat is closest to the way u wanna leave......
right?
haiz..
life so tough..if it isnt, then it isnt life?right?ya, i noe....

live.....happiness......let me be a........